Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
