The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
