this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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