Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
