May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
