ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
