I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
