What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
