If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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