I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
