Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
