I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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