Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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