if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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