I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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