Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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