omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
