things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
