I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
