My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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