I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
