Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
