I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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