I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
