A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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