Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
