Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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