You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
