Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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