My cat gives me a boner
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
