I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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