Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
