He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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