I think my vagina is haunted
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
