i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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