Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
