Do you still have your period?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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