Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
