we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
