I just saw a hot homeless man
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He shit in the fireplace
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
