please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
