about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
