Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
