Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
