I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
