that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
