Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
