He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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