All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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