I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
