The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
two words...techno handjob
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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