i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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