Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What a dumb baby whore.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
