His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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